Are you tuned into what your needs are?

How clear are you in making requests?

Do you dare to speak your desires?

When speaking with women and couples about intimacy, these are some of the challenges that come up in relationships.
I know these well… for most of my life, I was under the belief that I shouldn’t have needs.

Cause… who wants to be “needy…?”
And to express them… felt way too demanding.
Or what if I say what I need, and the other person says no…
Or worse… what if they judge me for having needs…?!?
Does this sound familiar?

So if I felt challenged by something, I would just try to deal with it on my own…. usually by suppressing my feelings or overriding them…

Praying that they would disappear…
And guess how that turns out?

You know it, I’m sure…

❌ Passive aggressiveness
❌ Resentment
❌ Victimhood: “poor me…”
❌ Blame: “it’s their fault I’m exhausted”
❌ Martyr: “I take care of everyone else and not myself”

Learning how to accept that I, like everyone, has needs… and identifying + expressing them, has been a huge key in shifting the dynamics of my relationships to be more clear, loving and supportive.

Challenges (inevitable in any relationship) get dealt with quicker so that micro-aggressions are limited.

Deeper intimacy opens up when we learn what is really going on in the other person’s inner world.

Ultimately it is up to us to have our own needs met and not demand others to meet them…

And at the same time, what a beautiful thing when we can share what is happening inside ourselves… where we could use support, and also be loving and available to care for another?

Being able to accept, identify, express your needs can result in…

Less projections and assumptions…

More support, honesty and care.

Alice Hong

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